So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
