flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
