So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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