We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize