True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
