I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Drunk is not a location!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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