omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
