Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
