Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
