Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
