i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
