Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
