I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
