The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
