I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
