You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
