Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
