I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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