Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize