"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
