just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
