dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're my little dorito
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
