I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
