I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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