Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
