remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
