His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
