so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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