I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
