I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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