I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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