I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I intend to get homeless drunk
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
