I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
