I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
