The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
