i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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