Dual....:-)
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
