i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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