What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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