So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
