im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
