I'm really into asian looking animals
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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