shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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