He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
worst night to have a conscience
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
