after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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