Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize