i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We need a shit load of segways right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
