I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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