you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
