We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
