i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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