I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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