happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
