loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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