I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
