life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No more Irish car bombs ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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