Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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