I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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