Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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