dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
