If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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