a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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