My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
