Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
