Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
