I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize