guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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