I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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