Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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