Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
