In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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