His hands were made for my vagina.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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