Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
