Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
